Trekking with Dr. Bev
by Dr. Beverly Morgan-Parke 
 

Help Break the Gridlock
by Derrick James 
 

Fall, Winter and Spring Debauchery Events Calendar
 

Dr. Beverly's 2000 Social Calendar Recap (Summer Addendum)
 
 

The Outcycler is the newsletter for the Windy City Cycling Club, a predominantly lesbian and gay recreational club whose main purpose is to use the bicycle as a means of staying in shape, getting outdoors, and socializing with other members.  Please visit our website for more information: wccc.iscool.net.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

"...despite its growing international reputation as the gaylesbitrans- questioning entertainment and social mecca of the Midwest, the Saugatuck/ Douglas/ Fennville area has not yet arranged to accommodate guests in the Helmsley tradition."
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

"As an organized bicycling organization, I think it’s time for us to step up to the plate and lend a hand, a voice, a pen..."

"Did you know that in Illinois, despite being subject to the same traffic laws as motor vehicles, bicyclists are not “intended” users of roads?"

Greetings, My Dears! 

May I be the first to welcome you to the dawning of the fabulous Windy City Cycling Club Fall and Winter Social Season 2000-2001! 

I hope you have carefully stored away your bicycles and cycling shorts for the cold winter months. Be sure that your tires are stored off the ground - to avoid unnecessary flats.  (I always try to avoid unnecessary flats, especially in the evening. As I’m sure you know, however, this is not always possible during the long winter in Chicago. That’s why they invented limousines. Remember:  If you are not showing off a bit of ankle and calf - especially after all of the work you’ve done - you have fallen short. Someone always must always maintain the standards . . .) Here in the heart of God’s country, a girl can never take too much time in choosing between sensible and stunning. Of course, we must be reasonable. As the winter months approach, please remember that a light dusting of snow often masks the most treacherous of ice patches! 

And, before you store your cycling shorts for the season, please be sure to cleanse every trace of embedded perspiration from this vulnerable cloth  (You may, of course, set aside one pair for special occasions).  (Pardon  me for a moment . . . I must blot. Such talk of fabric care always makes me glisten. Could you freshen this for me hon’? Mandarin, of course.   Must you still ask?) 

I hope that each of you enjoyed this faaaabulous summer. Please accept my sincere apologies for not joining in the festivities at Campy Camping III.    Antonio was surprised to find out that, despite its growing international reputation as the gaylesbitransquestioning entertainment and social mecca of the Midwest, the Saugatuck/Douglas/Fennville area has not yet arranged to accommodate guests in the Helmsley tradition. In any case, as fate would have it, at the last possible moment he reminded me of a previous commitment I had made to attend one of those quintessentially American and unmistakably ubiquitous traditions: 

The Family Reunion.

Originally planned as a four-day President’s Day weekend at the Hotel Allegro (with private banquets at Tru, Charlie Trotter’s, La Francais, Spiaggia, and Carlos’), the dear souls had to abruptly re-arrange their plans early this spring. It seems most of Dear Bert’s brothers had invested their vacation funds in technology stocks.  (Remember, my dears, a true lady never plants all of the seeds of her success in one field. Evidently, some of you girls learned this lesson on your own some years ago.) 

Moreover, we needed to reschedule this event in late August to accommodate the special needs of Dear Bert’s Grand Aunt, Delores Myshepherd. The “Buckle on the Bible Belt,” Aunt Delores has lived for the past several years in Sun City, where she moved from her home town of Sacred Heart, Missouri after the passing of her husband in 1980. She plans her annual excursion to Chicago every year when the Greyhound round-trip fare drops to $69.00. Initially, she had considered taking Amtrak, after hearing about their offer of a free trip for customers who were not satisfied. But, her parents had taught her long ago that it’s better not to say anything unless she had something nice to say and - above all - never to complain. Besides, she likes to stop in all of those small towns and look around for new places to eat lunch.  (And, she has never quite grown accustomed to holding onto her dining tray and water glass throughout an entire meal.) 

As it turned out, the in-laws were able to reschedule the event as a day-long picnic at the lovely Villa Park home of my cousin, Julianne Salad of Celery Root (“Oooh, toss that salad, girlfriend”), Tennessee.   A former waitress at the former L’Escargot on Halsted, she now sells Amway products and works as a part-time receptionist for Home Depot. I spent the lovely afternoon reclining on the chaise lounge on their back patio; sipping a Cosmopolitan (need you ask? Mandarin, of course) and assiduously declining the generous offerings of Ruffles with French Onion Dip and Triscuits with Cheez Whiz (How do they put all of that substance into an aerosol can? And, why, for goodness sake, can’t someone find comparable method of dispensing hair fixative?) 

Pausing between sips (and lip-gloss touch-ups), I had the opportunity to greet my niece, Marci Morgan. A sophomore at South Dakota State University -Vermillion campus, she was delighted to regale me with the story of her latest project.   Wearing the Morgan Family T-shirt (a snappy number in black Shantung silk with the Morgan family crest hand-sewn neatly above the breast pocket - Antonio had squeezed the re-design into his schedule at the last minute. What is possesses these people?  50/50 cotton polyester? Does no one care about skin allergies?), she kneeled beside me, bubbling over with enthusiasm and excitement. Evidently, she and a few of her dorm-mates had recently gathered at the Vermillion Megaplex (a 64-screen theater electronics superstore, and retail distribution center built on the old Johnson farm) for the screening of “The Eyes of Tammy Faye,” a first-run documentary. 

Ever since she’d first heard about Alpha Gamma Delta last spring, Marci knew the highest priority on her fall schedule would be rushing this popular sorority. Known across the plains by its stellar reputation for community service, AGD members had asked each pledge to come up with a unique way of serving the less-fortunate of greater Vermillion. Having searched all summer for inspiration, Marci had finally seized upon The Perfect Idea, while watching this unfortunate soul reveal her most personal (and unflattering) blemishes in front of the camera. It seems that Ms. Baker has a very strong, long-standing personal belief that “the eyes are the window to the soul” (I have always found a nicely-done set of nails to be equally telling). In any case, whenever someone close to her departs for That Great Runway in the Sky, she asks their surviving relatives for permission to keep their eyeglasses.   During the final credits, Marci announced her intentions: She would make a similar request of her aunts and uncles at our summer get-together. 

Collecting the eyeglasses of dead people? My niece? I all but fainted. 

No one I know would ever contemplate, for more than a moment, sharing a tube of her Maybelline with one of her closest sisters - even for an emergency touch-up. Please, rest assured, there are very few things I would not offer to elevate the station of those around me - including my favorite Hermes scarf. But, eyeglasses? (How does one respond with the proper balance of compassion and mortification upon discovering that one’s blood relative has come up a few eyelashes short of a complete set? After all, this is my brother’s youngest. I was present when she tried on her first push-up. I saved her from the horrors of a bare midriff and the clutches of Birkenstocks. I even taught her the importance of selecting the proper shades of lip-gloss with a reliable matte finish.)  And, now this? 

How would I ever be able to show my face at another family gathering if I allowed Marck to make such a request of Dear Bert’s in-laws? Certainly, a collection of their personal articles might serve as the centerpiece of a retrospective at the Museum of Contemporary Art or The Chicago Historical Society, but simply boxed up and given to complete strangers? After all, how many other families have had entire neighborhoods (and even a few suburbs) named in honor of their civic commitment)? Not to mention the shadow that would fall on my dear brother’s legacy . . . 

My dear sisters and brothers in the Windy City Cycling Club, I implore you, as you enter the voting booth next month: Please remember what I have taken the time to share with you today.   Much has been said this summer about the dangers of allowing Hollywood to continue marketing movies filled sex and violence to 10-year-old children. Is anyone monitoring the contents of so-called “documentaries” made publicly available to unsuspecting co-eds in the rural environments of our great country? 

Pardon my hasty departure.   My sister-in-law, Betty from Berwyn has asked me to join her for Oktoberfest just over the border in Wisconsin. Does anyone know how to find The Four Seasons in Milwaukee? I wish you the most faaaaabulous Fall! 

Hugs and kisses, 

Dr. Bev 
______________ 
A noted sex therapist, socialite, and retail clerk, Dr. Beverly Morgan-Parke periodically offers her thoughts on issues and concerns of importance to bicyclists across the world. Since 1969, she has helped thousands of cyclists find their true paths through "Ask Dr. Bev," her wildly popular radio program heard nightly from coast-to-coast. The former Mrs. Bert Parks, she was chosen "Ms. Skogfjorden" in 1994, 1995, and 1996, after successful career as a runway model.b

Help Break the Gridlock
by Derrick James

Now that the summer biking season is over, many of you may be looking forward to a well-deserved break from pumping the pedals to wearing the pumps. Others may be preparing to move high-gear into wintertime aerobic pursuits. That’s all well and good. We had a successful summer of fun plying the bikeways and trails of this region (and France, for some of you) we call home, the great Midwest. Stealing a weekend away from the cement canyons and the asphalt jungle that is much of Chicago to breathe the fresher air and open-‘er-up on the two-laners of the Midwest countryside was almost always in order. But for those of us who had to do most of our cycling fighting with Chicago’s traffic-weary drivers on congested streets, the beckoning call of the open countryside left us longing. Trips to more bike-friendly locales like Davis and Boulder left us pondering, “why not here?” 

This is not to sell short the drastic improvement we’ve seen in the biking environment here in Northeastern Illinois. New bike lanes and expanded trails seem to pop up almost monthly. Last year Bicycling magazine termed Chicago the best big city for bicycling.  (Who’s our competition, I wonder?)   The gains that have been made improving the metro environment for cycling have not come without effort on the part of advocates and visionaries. Folks who imagine a city where even the least experienced of our neighbors will feel comfortable hopping on the two-wheeler to grab that gallon of milk instead of maneuvering their two-ton, self-contained, personal polluting device along streets designed for 1/8 the traffic. 

A list of upcoming projects reminds us we have much to be thankful for. 

        Do you avoid the Lakefront Path near Navy Pier because of congestion? POSSIBLY look for a $3.8 million flyover to be constructed in the next year to speed cyclists pass the tourists.

       Do you ride teeth-clenched over the Diversey Harbor Bridge and “S”-curve, afraid for life and limb because there’s no room to pass the masses?  $3.8 million MAY be allocated for a new bridge and alignment for the Path at this point. 

       Frustrated with Willow Rd and Shermer Avenue in Glenview? The $7.4 million Techny Trail MAY  be on the way. 

I stress that these projects MAY happen or are POSSIBLE because the plans are open for public review and comment. Funding for any project could be struck from the official list. These projects are competing for money from a limited pot with road and transit improvements. It is important that government-funding agencies understand that there is public support for bicycle projects like these and more. This region still devotes the lion’s share of its financial resources to highways. The recent re-focusing of some of those funds to bike, transit and pedestrian projects is partly because of landmark federal legislation passed to address this nation’s long-standing bias in favor of the internal-combustion engine. 

I’m sure each of you could name other projects that could be implemented to make cycling in and around Chicago easier and more of an option for the average Joe. This past year we’ve seen the CTA permanently institute its Bikes on Train program and announce that it was equipping all buses on the North Ave. and 63rd St. routes with bike racks. Pace has announced that as funding becomes available, its entire fleet of fixed-route busses will be bike rack-equipped. That’s more than 600 busses on 240 routes throughout six counties. 

But what about Metra you ask? Ever thought how nice it would be to take Metra to Elgin, ride the Fox Valley Trail to Geneva, have lunch at the Mill Race Inn and then return to Chicago, all without emitting an ounce of CO2. Well, you can’t do that, at least without a car. Metra has to this point indicated no willingness to accommodate bikes aboard its trains, not even on weekends when passenger loads are lighter. Cyclists who’ve attempted to board have been threatened with arrest. Even customers with bikes in carrying bags or bike parts have been harassed by Metra conductors. Metra is a government agency. Its funding comes out of our tax dollars. The agency should be held accountable to the needs of its constituents. Chicago is a non-attainment area with regards to air pollution and any efforts that can be undertaken to divert trips out of the automobile only serve to improve the region’s quality of life. Allowing some form of bike access aboard the region’s 495-mile commuter rail system expands the reach of commuters and weekend travelers alike. 

The region’s roads have become a free-for-all with a declining level of civility and courtesy. I’m sure many among us can recount instances of sheer idiocy or blatant driver disregard for our rights as cyclists. Bicycles are vehicles and as such are entitled to the use of the public streets. Many a driver does not understand or blatantly disregards this fact and it shows.   In 1998, 42 bicyclists died while riding their bikes in Illinois. This is an increase over the previous two years.   There are many more injuries from crashes with motor vehicles. Exactly how many is not known as the data is woefully inadequate.    Data collection must be improved and police must be trained to accurately report crashes involving bicycles. Enforcement of existing traffic safety laws must be stepped-up. Only then can we expect the environment on the streets to improve. 

Did you know that in Illinois, despite being subject to the same traffic laws as motor vehicles, bicyclists are not “intended” users of roads? In a case involving an injured cyclist in ex-urban Wayne, the Illinois Supreme Court ruled that municipalities in the state have no responsibility to maintain roads in a manner that is safe for us. Only if the town or city makes expressed accommodations for bicycles are they liable should we be injured because of poor road upkeep. This has sent a chill through town halls across the state and has almost stopped dead continued development of the Grand Illinois Trail. Towns along the proposed route are fearful of being held liable for injuries sustained by cyclists when passing through so are now unwilling to sign the route.   The League of Illinois Bicyclists is working to overturn this legislation in the General Assembly. 

Several members of WCCC recently attended a meeting of the Break The Gridlock organization. This is another of several groups that endeavor to improve the climate for cyclists in Chicago. You probably came away feeling that the task before us, and those who share our vision, is daunting. Cyclists who came before us were not discouraged by the mud-ruts that were our road system at the time of the bicycle’s invention. It was organization’s like the League of American Wheelmen, who in 1880 formed to advocate for paved roads that set the standard for advocacy today. 

As an organized bicycling organization, I think it’s time for us to step up to the plate and lend a hand, a voice, a pen, or even financial support to the other organizations in Chicagoland who toil on our behalf. There is power in numbers. 

Chicagoland Bicycle Federation 
650 S. Clark St., Ste. 300 
Chicago, IL 60605 
312-42-PEDAL 
www.biketraffic.org

League of Illinois Bicyclists 
650 S. Clark St., Ste. 300 
Chicago, IL 60605 
www.bikelib.org

Chicago Area Transportation Study (for comments on proposed bike projects) 
300 W. Adams St. 
Chicago, Illinois, 60606 
(312) 793-3456
www.catsmpo.com
________________ 
Derrick James is a Community Organizer at the Center for Neighborhood Technology, a not-for-profit advocacy organization that fights for sustainable, open communities. Having been company spokesman for two railroad companies in Chicago and a radio announcer in Iowa, it is quite obvious he likes to talk and spread what little knowledge he has about transportation issues. When he is not mouthing off about the ills of driving, he can be found raising a fist or a finger at cab drivers that refuse to pick him up near his Bronzeville condo. He has been a member of WCCC since 1999.b

Before plunging head-long into the fabulous WCCC Fall 2000-2001 Social Season, we must pause for a few moments to give high praise to some very special members of our club. First of all, for hosting a spectacular WCCC Spring and Summer Biking Season Kick-Off Party, our warmest thanks go to Greg Barton. How many house boys would it take to. . . (Oh, pardon me. I forgot this is not my column.) Anyway, Greg, thanks so much!

Kudos to Mark C. for hosting a glorious brunch at his Wilmette home, mid-way through the North Branch Trail Ride. Loved finally seeing Ricky in all of his glory. Is he available weekends? The inimitable Ms. Cosgrovia hosted the second annual WCCC excursion to the South of France. Thank you, dear, for ensuring our continental presence! And, what about the fabulous Welcome Back AIDS Riders Barbecue and Pool Party at the home of Tim Dugan and Robert Cowan? There are no words! Memories of Mr. Howe and 7th Grade gym class . . . revised and updated for The New Millennium. (If we'd been allowed to have chicken fights like those, all of us would have finished at the top of the class. But then, the staff at the Parke School would have much more difficulty filling our fall semester classes.) 

Only a few days later, Marty Dolan hosted us for our first ever membership meeting preceded by a delicious cookout. Along with the traditional hotdogs and chips, he served some lovely salads...and topped off the meal with brownie ice cream sundaes! (Fortunately, we'd fulfilled our annual swimsuit commitment the previous weekend, so we were free to indulge. Besides, there were still nearly three months of bike rides remaining that would allow us to work off the extra.) 

Then, there was the sumptuous breakfast at the Lake Forest home of Frank Haas during North Shore Trail Ride at the end of July. What can I say? First of all, Frank: Did you ever find the owner of that last pair cycling shorts (of high-quality, waist-tied, ultra-suede black chamois with tapered edges - no bumps anywhere - and 8-ounce Lycra with flat-stitch construction for less abrasion and greater strength and durable leg grip elastic with low profile for comfort)? If not, I have room in one of my hat boxes for off-season storage. Oh, and thank you for a delicious meal and tour of your truly stunning garden. 

Finally, (but only chronologically speaking), our heartfelt thanks go out to our own Tim Sherck and Mark Whidden of Frontrunners/Frontwalkers for organizing and hosting Campy Camping III. What a feat! Nearly 50 gay men and lesbians gathered in Michigan to sleep in tents, sit around a campfire, and eat outside. (And there was not a broken nail or flask of Girl Scout water to be found.) 

Oops! Can't forget to thank Tom Hedeen and all the boys who helped to fill our coffers at the Big Chicks Tag Day on October 1st. You guys are amazing! (I hope I have not missed anyone. If I have, please accept our thanks and blame this polish remover. Antonio promised me it was made from only natural ingredients. I'll have to watch him more closely!)

Dear ones all, it's the tireless devotion of hosts and coordinators such as you that make this club truly A-list. Thank you sincerely for your generosity and commitment! b